I remember stumbling upon The Three Musketeers when I was 10. And that's when my love for reading started. The following summer vacation I went through all the classics I could get my hands on. I then moved on to slightly heavier texts with biographies. I still distinctly remember reading “It’s Not About the Bike” by Lance Armstrong. “If I can move, I’m alive.” -- Lance mentioned this line a couple of times in relation to his fight against cancer. And this has stuck with me since.
The stories we grow up with have a profound impact on how we think, act and what we believe to be true. Stories are how we learn and how our minds make sense of this complicated world. And it is also stories that we use to make sense of our own selves.
We all have stories about our own self. Some define our personality, some are about our strengths and our weaknesses. A few are about our relationships. Some stories tell us how to behave in a work place and get to where we believe we should or what we deserve.
Our beliefs are nothing but stories we choose to believe as facts. And these then go on to define our lives. Some stories we pick up from what our parents tell us about ourselves. Some from our teachers, friends, colleagues and even bosses. But almost none of these are consciously created.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right. I came across this quote a few years ago and did not really pay much heed. But through certain life lessons, I’ve begun to realise the gravity of this quote. The malleability of our own bodies, lives and its consequences thereof. That we can shape the world around us by believing of ourselves in a certain way and living it out. That instead of believing that the world is happening to us, and that we’re mere spectators trying to react appropriately—we can take charge only if we’re conscious of the stories we tell ourselves.
I’ve had a habit of smoking since I was 17. A few years back I decided that I want to let go of this habit. Thus followed a series of failed attempts and mood swings trying to get myself to give up the habit. One day I came across an article on the internet. The author, herself having kicked the habit successfully, wrote something to the tune of, ‘Stop thinking of yourself as an ex-smoker. Instead you are somebody who does not smoke.’ A subtle difference on the surface. Reminding myself that I’m not a smoker every time I wanted to light up helped me kick this habit for good.
The stories we choose to believe about ourselves have a big impact on our lives. Probably the single biggest effect anything would have. Because we are so engrossed in our lives, we don’t ever consciously think about our own selves. So next time when you’re struggling with something, or wondering why you're stuck repeating the same patterns—take a moment to observe your thoughts. Be conscious of how you think and talk to yourself. Make yourself aware of the words you use to describe yourself.
And then think whether what is happening to you has any relevance to how you’ve thought of yourself. Are you repeating the same patterns in your relationship because you think of yourself as someone who’d do what you end up doing?
Imagine your highest and most useful self. The traits you would want to have. The life you would want to live. And practice believing it. Tell yourself who you are everyday. It’s going to be hard and uncomfortable. Change always is. But before you realise, the stories you repeat to yourself will come true.
Thanks to Akanksha Mohla for reviewing this article.
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